Dealing with Being Alone

Every now and then, even the best of us must deal with loneliness. No matter how popular or pretty you are you may find yourself alone. It is unavoidable. Loneliness is not just the state of being alone, however, it is the feeling that you are alone. In order to combat this feeling, you must come to terms with why you have this feeling and learn to defeat it.

First and most obviously, you must ask yourself why you feel so alone. Is it because you are all alone? Or is it that you feel unwanted by those around you? Does the fact that you are alone have anything to do with the fact that you are a horrible person? No one actually loves you. You are a horrible human being who is nothing but a blight on the face of the Earth. Ever walk around in some booty shorts in front of your best friend’s man? Eat a cheeseburger while a homeless man watches? You probably flaunt around in your tight dress at clubs and get free drinks but won’t put out. You bitch… No wonder no one likes you.

But then again, maybe you just stink. Have you ever walked into a room and her someone say, “What the hell is that smell?” but couldn’t smell anything. That’s because that funk is coming from you. Raise your arm. Are there mushrooms growing there? Did an assortment of bugs and mythical creatures scurry out of your pits? Now rub your hand between your legs and then sniff it. No, it shouldn’t smell like tuna fish. Do you smell ass wherever you go? You need a shower.



If you are like most people, though, your biggest problem actually has nothing to do with you. Others are making you feel like this. Your male friends, who all secretly want you, are tired of pretending that they are gay to be near you. And your female friends know that you are much better looking than they are. You would draw attention away from them even if they were butt-naked riding a pink buffalo, side-saddle, with a sign pointing to their vagina that said “Enter Here.” Everyone is just jealous of you. And they should be, you’re better than them.

Whatever the reason, you aren’t just alone, you are lonely. You don’t need your friends, though. You are perfect the way you are and there are many people out there you will agree. Get out your shortest skirt (you know, the one your dad thinks is a belt), your highest heels, and your tightest shirt and go get out of the house. Wherever you go, be it the club or Wal-Mart, you’ll be swarmed by gangs of men (and a few ladies) who would love to keep you company. If you don’t feel like getting dressed, you could always make use of your battery-operated boyfriend. He never cheats, he’s always around, he won’t disappoint you, and he’ll never pull out and spurt on your chest.

But if you would rather be with you friends, take the initiative. Remember, these people are supposed to love you. True friends are supposed to be at your beck and call. Instead of sitting at home, all alone, go to their place unannounced. Your best friend should be willing to interrupt her first wedding anniversary with her husband in order to be with you when you are lonely. Her husband will still be there when you leave, they are married after all. She should understand. If she doesn’t, just take a dump on her car and move on to your next friend. One of them loves you enough to get over themselves and spend time with you.

No matter what your problem is, loneliness is only a state of mind. Analyze it and confront it. I hope you learned something today.